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|  4.56am... can't sleep after waking up by Daniel's nightmare.
Decided to read through Xanga, recalling the precious moments of pregnancy to Daniel's birth. Daniel is nearly 2 years old, and he's sound asleep right beside me. Recalling the past 22 months, it's hard bringing up Daniel. Remembering when we first brought him home, it was a nightmare for me and Matt. We had to cook, did a lot more housework, fed him, bathed him, brought him back to the hospital for jaundice check up a number of times... it was very very hard, until Matt's parents came there was a brief relief. Then, it was only me and Matt taking of Daniel again, waking up early to feed, feeding and crying in the midnights, unsettled sleep...etc. Thank God we sustained through. We thought, things will get better as he grows older. Turning one, and he's going to child care... more and more sickness came to him... cold & flu, gastro, hand foot & mouth, even chicken pox... I'm exhausted taking care of a constantly sick baby + a clingy baby... plus having to take care of a sick ME too. Yet, I still love to be Daniel's mum, and still enjoy taking care of Daniel. It's hard and exhausted... but Daniel worths a million. | | |
| Can't imagine 2008 has gone!!! The most challenging but exciting year of my life, and at the same time, the hardest but sweetest one. 2008 is too good to let it go... Baby Daniel was born, bringing him up as a newborn (changing him, feeding him, bathing him...) Now he can crawl and stand up with support... Daniel is no longer a newborn but a 1 year old toddler. It's great to see him grow and learn to be independent. But it's also hard to learn that he's growing up and slowly getting independent of me. Yes, I miss the old days when Baby Daniel was first born. I miss the time in the hospital, expecting Baby Daniel. Though there were pains, and lots and lots of pain... it's the sweetest memory of my entire life so far. The hardest part now is to wean Daniel. Last time, breastfeeding him seemed a troubled job. It's not until having to wean him that I find that breastfeeding him is such an intimate that I'm reluctant to let go. 2008, a year of motherhood, it's hard, but I love it. And I'll always miss the time being the mother of newborn Daniel. Farewell 2008. Farewell early motherhood. Farewell baby Daniel. 
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| As soon as BB Daniel was born, he was put on me... the 1st thought that came over my mind was: What a long baby!! (and indeed he was, being 50 cm long for a premature BB) Somehow, there was a bit of resentment towards him as I thought he was causing me this much pain. However, that feeling quickly passed by and I started to touch him. When I looked at him, I thought he was a pretty ugly baby, with his dark/red skin covered with white dirts. After he was cleaned and I was all settled. He was taken to the nursery. Matt took me to see him in a wheelchair. Because I had an infection, he had to be put on antibiotic as well. Similar to me, he had needle on his hand for the drip. Poor little thing! I thought, he was so small and had to suffer pain. From then on, my heart melt... I knew I had fallen in love with this little thing. Apart from Matt, I knew he would be the one I love dearly. I went back to my ward, and Matt went home. I tried to sleep as it was very exhausted, but my heart was at the nursery with BB Daniel. I was wondering when he could come up to me. I woke up and couldn't wait to get to the nursery for my son. As I planned to move, I was so grateful that the baby doctor brought BB Daniel back to me in his little cot, right at my door. My heart was delighted to see him again. He slept with me by my side. The more I looked at him, the more I thought he was really really cute. My heart was totally fallen for him. BB Daniel was sound asleep for the whole day, and he was really quiet. In the evening, the midwife came to teach us to bathe him. To our dismay, the water was not hot enough and he was cold and turned a little blue for a couple of seconds. Sadly, he was taken back to the nursery again. We were worried, and we followed. But it's more comforting seeing him being taken care by the professionals. Unfortunately, because he was too sleepy to suck, we were recommended to put a tube through his nose to feed him. I agreed. But as I looked at how a tube was put into his nose, and how his hand was wrapped up because a needle was in it, tears began to fall. My heart was broken to see my little one suffer in pain. Yet, my BB Daniel was a strong boy. He's not crying much for the pain. Returning to my ward, I was sad not having my son with me for the 1st night. However, I was relieved to have the nurses caring for him, so that I got a good night sleep.  
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| It's been a long long time since last updating this blog... as BB Daniel was really unsettled... crying a lot and not sleeping. But thank God, he's now more settle... and hopefully will get better and better. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ To continue with my labour story... (in order I'll remember this experience in my entire life) Well... the story ended with my unbearable contraction, and I gave in with an pain relief injection... After the injection, I was really really sleepy. And thank God that I did. When the contraction was off, I was sound asleep, and when it's on, I woke up screaming... I remembered I yelled "I don't want to go on anymore!!!" No once cared about this statement, neither did Matthew... coz it's impossible. The process went on: Contraction pain... sound asleep... pain... sleep Until at a point I felt a strong urge to push. Though I was patially asleep, I was able to tell Matthew to inform the midwives that I felt the urge to push (I felt it's God who taught me to)... The midwives running in... excited... as they didn't expect that soon... The climax began... I began to push... it's really hard. It's like pushing a big poo out. But if you asked me if it's painful, I can't really remember it. I just kept pushing, until Matt told me BB Daniel's head was out. I kept pushing some more, until he's totally being brought into this world... it was a great great relief. BB Daniel was put on me... the 1st impression? What a long baby, a bit ugly too. The midwives were really happy with this 1 month early BB: 6 pounds, 50cm long. As he was premature, and I had infection, the pediatrician came and brought BB Daniel to ICU. I felt reluctant but no choice. After everything settled, I was taken to the baby ICU to see my son, and then back to my ward to sleep. 24 Dec 2007, will be more memorable and meaningful to me and Matt -- BB Daniel was born!!! When I recall the whole process of labour... I experienced God, I felt God was there for me... coz there're many things it's Him who taught me... Moreover, I only take 4 hours to labour, it's uncommon for most 1st time mother. Thank You GOD!!!  
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| There was abdominal pain in the 1st and 2nd night of my stay at the hospital, and each night the pain became more intense. I remembered I paged for the midwives many many times due to the pain, but they could do nothing. The pain was like period pain, but more severe. 23 Dec 07 (Sunday) Matt came over early, and the pain was now gone. Choir cell came to visit, and I was still pretty in shape to chit chat with them. However, after they had gone, the pain came back. The pain was severe, but too bad it gradually got more intense. It came and gone. When it came, it's really killing me, but when it's gone, I was pretty relaxed. But when the pain was there, it was so intense that I thought I really couldn't stand it and wanted to get rid of it quickly. So I paged and paged the midwives. Still not much they could do as it was not a CONTRACTION pain. Late in the afternoon, there was bleeding. The pain got worse and the midwives and doctors suggested we should marked down the time and duration of each pain. It was frequent, but not consistent enough to be taken as a contraction. Nothing could be done. However, the pain was so unbearable that the doctors decided to have a blood test on me. We were nervous about the blood test, as we were speculating whether I'll go into labor that night. As it was pretty late at night, Matt was wondering if he should go home. Result came back in an hour suggesting that I had infection, therefore I could wait no more though BB was still not yet in his 36th week (full term). I was told I'll be induced and would be taken to birthing suite in a few minutes time. In mixed feeling (sacre, nervous, anxious, excited...ect), we packed a few things and the midwife took me to the birthing suite in a wheelchair at about 10.30pm. Matt was pretty relieved that he didn't had to go. Nightmare @ Birthing Suite After we settled in, the widwife incharge told us what to expect. It was pretty scary when I was told what she'll do. There'll be medicine for inducement to be dripped into my vein. The medicine would increase in volume (from the least 40 and could go up to 280). That means I'll begin to have contraction and the contraction would increase in intensity. In other words, I'll become more and more painful. I was so scared that I kept asking how long it would last. And the midwife said, "Dunno, it could be few hours, more than 10 hours ....etc" I thought I had gone to a point of no return. But I really felt like turning away and ran, though I knew I couldn't. I just prayed that the labor won't take that long. The midwife suggested a number of pain relieve, but I thought I could sustained through without one, except gas. But the pain was really killing me. It was unable to describe. But it was like a period pain that had gone to it's peak, plus you were trying to poo but couldn't. However, the poo was big and it wanted to get out though it couldn't, and it was pushing hard from the inside. It felt like you'll gonna "explode"!!! It was unbearable. I felt like giving up, but I couldn't. So I gave in to a pain relieve injection. (As Baby Daniel is crying... to be continued...) | | |
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